A dialogue between "Tau Kelvin" and the "Africanweirdo" on Long distance relationships.

Your thoughts on long-distance relationships?

African weirdo: Long distance relationship isn't really as bad as most people make it out to be as long as the people involved are ready to sustain the relationship. Besides, most LDRs don't start out that way, most of them happen due to circumstances causing one partner to move away from the other.
Tau Kelvin: I think they only work for a short period of time. They are like a fling. There are two things that I think make a relationship work, being together and sacrifice. And I believe this is very much unnoticed by many.
We now live in a Facebook, WhatsApp, Skype world and we believe staying connected via these instant connection ways is important for a relationship to work.

What do you think is the most challenging thing for coupled in long distance relationships?
Tau Kelvin: Obviously the biggest challenge is not being there. My partner is not in the army, I would definitely understand if she was, and we were
forced to be in a long distance relationship because she went to war.
I wouldn’t feel the same about our relationship if she chose to go away for 2 years. I wouldn't careless if it was for her career training or anything.
We could text each other or video chat multiple times a day. But not being physically there, not being next to your better half just leaves this “big gap” in a relationship. A gap that is impossible to fill. The phrase, “actions speak louder than words,” is actually very, very true. Words are just words, talk is cheap.
I’ve grown to love her because of what I see her do every single day. Her actions towards me, and the world in all.
It doesn’t matter how much I trust her if she went away for 2 years.
I would get sick in my stomach if she could keep texting “I love you and what we have is "special".
I would love her even more if she sacrificed whatever it is that she has to do for those 2years, for what we have.
And without sacrifice from our partners, who would guarantee what the future holds for the relationship?
African weirdo:  I just feel the most challenging thing for them is constant doubt and not being there to fulfill each other's needs. I once knew a couple practicing the long distance relationship and the constant complaints and struggle was how they kept complaining of how they hardly communicate due to the fact that the guy is always busy and how he is never there when she needs him which eventually led to a breakup.
Do you think people in long distance relationships cheat more than normal couples?
African weirdo:  A cheat will always be a cheat. There is no excuse for being a cheat, I know so many people have the mindset that people in a long-distance relationship cheat more but I beg to differ. It shouldn't matter what kind of relationship it is, you shouldn't cheat on your partner at all.
Tau Kelvin: Let’s call a spade a spade. A cheater would cheat–even when in a normal relationship. A “cheater” cheats out of their own weaknesses or twisted values and would definitely use “distance” as an excuse. So I would agree that couples in long-distance relationships cheat more than couples in “short distance relationships".Let me explain myself unless your better half is staying alone, under a rock, he/she wakes up to go work on a job or whatever he/she is away doing. And he/she will get closer to other people. Someone will remind them of you. Do the things you do better.
We are human beings, we start to like and get addicted to the “little things” or behaviors done by people we consistently see. And someone’s smile will make him/her feel better than what your emoji on a text will make them feel. And it’s totally a human thing to fall for someone physically closer.

Are there always questions doubting both partners loyalty?
African weirdo:  Questions will always arise because you can't see what the other person is doing but trust is what helps in situations like that.
Tau Kelvin:  I think doubt manifests in a situation where a couple has a distance between the where a couple has a distance between them before they've had the chance to get to know each other's strengths and weaknesses. And the solution to this situation, if doubt does seem like a threat, is to be closer to your partners' closest friends. They keep in contact with your better-half and it would build trust between the two of you. Your partner's friends would also be helpful if you plan surprises.

Do you think long distance relationships work more than normal relationships?
Tau Kelvin:  I think LDRs do work, for those for who really mean for them to work, but to the question, "do they last longer than normal relationships?" I personally believe that it all depends on the couples involved. My girlfriend was once to another city for work, so I've been in a 3-month long-distance relationship that makes me a bit qualified to give some practical advice on that. It wasn't easy but we made it work and this is how:

1. We regularly kept in contact
But not as in "respond-to-every-text-every-minute," but we'd just have average to little chatting during the day, but we'd "go all in" on the chats almost every night. I learned that people are more open and honest during late night chats, so I tried it and because we're more of best friends, we like to make fun of each other, and it made the experience much easier for the two of us to always want to contact because we'd want to have fun.

2. We allowed ourselves to let our actions speak for themselves. Talk is cheap, anyone can promise to "stick with" forever but it's not everyone that can walk the long distance relationship walk. If you exhibit loyal genes, you let your actions speak for themselves, by remaining constantly in touch, energetic and always being "good company", in the face of your own suffering, because you miss you desperately miss your better-half. You miss their smell, their touch, and just their whole physical presence. But you hang on in there and you remind yourself - and you show your lover - that loyalty is fragile and therefore valuable. And they'd reciprocate.
Africanweirdo:  Most long distance relationships last longer than normal relationships but it depends on how they are handled and if the couples involved are ready to sacrifice sometimes. No matter what kind of relationship it is, sacrifice and compromise are key for it to work.

Many people believe that long distance relationships are never going to work out. Your family and friends might discourage it and advise you not to take it too seriously, in case you get your heart broken.
Nobody says it is going to be easy — the extra distance makes many things perfect and beautiful.
Agreed, things could get complicated, and you could get sad and lonely at times. It happens in every relationship I believe. However, the extra distance also makes the simplest things the sweetest; being able to hold other person’s hand, eating together at the same table, feeling each other’s touch, taking a walk together, smelling each other’s hair. These small wishes could suddenly mean so much more in a long distance relationship. I believe LDR is painful yet beautiful. It makes you learn/experience the truth of life. It gives you strength and makes you stronger day by day. It gives you the courage to face any challenge in life boldly and win it, you must believe it from within though.




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